yesterday

You know its kinda funny. Yesterday I felt true pain. Agonizing...made everything else in my life dwindle down to nothing compared to this. My soul was torn from my body. How do you recover from that? I think things are going back. But that void is still there. Now do I truly know what it means to break. You did nothing wrong. Got closure fine. But you hid it from me. Now what do I do? I was sneaky invaded your privacy. But ya know what! There shouldnt be anything to hide. Neither right...neither wrong. But hopelessly torn. I cant even whisper the words outloud right now. I took a step outside my body. My emotions are frozen. Its the first time I havent known how to feel. Odd really. You are amazing in so many ways. You made a family out of us. No hesitation no exceptions. You are so much fun to be around. Mostly you get me. Like no one else ever has. But sometimes....you dont understand at all. Still more good...everyday i love waking up to you. But has that all changed now? I know some things need to change with me. But will I lose myself in the process? Always being the one to give in. to change to suit you? I think thats what scares me most. But yesterday...ya know when my soul was torn out....Yesterday I would have given anything to stay with you. When you said those words...That was the breaking point. It was like this great big giant flash...and then nothing but overwhelming pain. I heard the crack. What now? how do you truly feel? Im scared...hurt...alone...I want to know if im the only one. I want to know where do I/we go from here. Lost doesnt even begin to describe it. I'll take honest pain...over betrayal. You promised me forever....but almost let it go. What now? my heart drags me to the ground.