so his dad just passed away…this is the time when i should be most supportive…but I just cant seem to stop exploding at him…when he says he’ll take her for an hour before he goes to work…then asks me to go to the store to get him beer…when i get back he says oh im sorry i dont have time to take her anymore….so i explode.
when i just want to spend time with him and he goes off to get stuff from his sister…I cant go cause he doesnt want to risk being caught in the snow with the baby…so i explode
Things are eating away at me…and I dont want to give up on us…but i know that i am pushing him further and further away…everything that happens now just makes this all seem hopeless.
Bottleing up the fact that he didnt even get me anything for valentines day cause he was worried about money…i can understand that fine…but yet he had enough money to get beer…sure he bought 2 bottles of champagne…but I DONT WANT ALCOHOL!!!…all I wanted was something that says…hey i know its rough for us…But I love you.. shit a card something…
I cant stop expolding about everything…even the smallest things set me off…Im so beyond stressed…I cant even relax at all…cant drink till I relax…cause I just wind up hungover and getting stressed the next day cause i can never sleep in anymore even when hes home.
I sat there the other night holding a blade…stressed to the point I almost broke apart…and then I forced myself out there to look at my daughter…my reason to keep going…and thank god I couldnt do anything.
But that scares me…almost…almost…its just to damn close for me…I wish I could smoke…weed is not as bad as other things i could do…I need something to relax…I cant take this anymore…
helpless…hopeless…hurt…angry…scared…frustrated…
lost.
please God, save me…before i lose my mind
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