Parasites

Someone referred to children as parasites today….saying they’d rather have a career than feed parasite people… Made it sound as though you can have only one or the other and that if you have children you can not be independant.

Her referal to children as parasites made me so angry…considering the defination of parasites is an animal or thing that feeds off a host without benifiting it. That is so not a true definition of children. Especially not my child.

Before I had my daughter I was floundering for a purpose in life…sure I had work I had friends and a family and a great bf… but still I felt lost. I was lost in my past much of that time…wondering what my future held.

I was depressed…and feeling hopeless… thinking I couldnt do anything right. And then came the day I found out I was pregnant. I felt the earth fall out from under me that day. Oh my god…what am I going to do? Will I be a good mom? Will he want the baby? Will I be able to do this on my own if he doesnt? So many questions rushed through my head that day. And for many days afterwards. I realized she was growing inside me more and more each day. And each day I thought…am I making a mistake…but I cant go back. Then came the first day I felt her move…the only way I can describe it is that it felt like little bubbles coming to the surface and then popping on the top of my stomach. I remember the wonder I felt that day…and each day after it whenever I felt that life inside me…that miracle. Every day I had a bad day…Id come home and just want the world to disappear…then she’d kick and brought the world back to me. She made it all feel wonderful and ok from the first day.

Now…yeah it gets hard…I get tired…There is so much to do everyday and no sleep to keep up on it. I get grumpy sometimes…I miss work…and then I stop and think…………….

Every smile I cause to come to her face…everyday the laughter comes a little easier to her…everytime she grabs my fingers…brings this overwhelming joy to my life. She keeps me from losing all hope. When I think about stupid things from my past…I look at her and I cant dwell on it any longer.

I held her tonight feeding her right before she fell asleep…with her newest eagerness to explore she kept grabbing my face…my nose my mouth even my eyes…and I sat there and drank it all in. Its like nothing in the world could disrupt my world at that moment. Nothing could bring me down. She brings discovery…happiness…fulfillment to my life everyday…and most of all…she brings love…and trust.

Parasite? I think not! She is the greatest gift I could ever have…she makes me…my bf…my family…my life, complete.

There is time enough in my future to work on a career…for now…I have the best and most fulfilling job in the world. I am a mom… and DAMN proud of it.