The now ever present fear...

I now know that if we didnt last he’d fight me for custody of her… “Why is it fair that you get her and I dont” his exact words…I’ll tell you why its fair…because I carried her for nine months…because I gave birth to her…because I wanted her from the second I found out about her…because even though I never left the house to go out to bars or clubs…and didnt have any guy friends…you still doubt she’s yours…because the only reason you signed that aknowledgement of paternity at the hospital is beacuse you still would have 60 days to contest it so you could still get the test done when you were ready…because I will be there for her more than you will be able to with how you work at least 55 hours a week and go to shhool part time…

Its fair because I am her mommy…because she is the center of my world…and because I will not hesitate to tell her each and every day that I love her…where you have already said those words are so hard for you to say…so you probably wont even say them to her…because even when she has a bad night (even though I occasionally get frustrated) I will never say I dont want to hold her…becasue “I’m not in the mood for her/ I’m done with her for now” (those were you exact words her first fussy night…granted like i said i get frustrated with her…and a lil’ loudly ask what do you want…kinda frustrated voice…but then I stop and realize…just because I’m tired and shes fussy…doesnt mean I can get mad at her…or “tired/sick” of her…shes only a baby

You will not take her from me…and how dare you threaten that…seems like you dont want us to work…like you are already planning for what to do when you are done with me…You will not win this fight buddy boy…I will fight you tooth and nail with everything I have to prevent you from taking her from me…Yes I do have a bad history of psych illness…and its not too far in the past…its only been 2 years…but that doesnt matter…I will not lose her…not now…NOT EVER!!!

You wanna go down that path buddy…go ahead…see what happens…you will NOT like the outcome…I guarentee it!!!