My angel

ok so November 8th now…she’s 6 days old now and I couldnt be happier… I will say the whole labor experience was horrid for the most part… it started at 11pm and as soon as they started me my contractions started coming 1min 1 & 1/2 mins apart but at that point they didnt hurt…they were just uncomfortable…Bo got to the hospital at about 2 am from work… and lucky he got there then cause they started hurting like a bitch…I couldnt move at all…without my stomach hurting…couldnt sleep at all either cause they were so painful and cause they were so close together… the other problem…if it wasnt a contraction hurting me…lil Kylie as active as ever even that morning…decided she wanted to kick when my stomach wasnt clenching from a contraction…so I got no break what-so-ever…That went on for about 5 hours all the time getting worse and worse…till finally my mom / bo and especially me fought with the doctors to get them to at least give me the shot in the butt for pain…ouch!!! And it didnt even help that much…

So finally at around 11 am they brought me down to the labor floor…and also FINALLY decided i was far enough along to get the epidurahl (sp?) …i was floating on cloud nine once that took effect… …ahh sweet relief at that point they also checked to see how ready i was…only 5 cms dialated at that point…. at about 12:30 they decided to let me pee…though i couldnt get up for it they stuck a cathador in me to drain it…shortly afterwards the contractions started hurting again…I told the nurse and she said to let her know if it got any worse….5 mins later I’m laying there screaming at my mom “I NEED TO PUSH” so the nurse comes back in…saying…”Well sometimes you get that urge so go ahead…but its gonna be another few hours before shes ready to come out…but let me take a look down there and see whats going on” …so she peaks her head down there as i satisify my urge to push…then all hell breaks loose…seems like they were wrong…she was ready to come out no matter what they said…so the nurse scrambles now OMG!!! SHE’S COMING!!! hits a buzzer and 5 people (a mix of doctors and nurses) come swarming into my room…all craziness from then on…

One nurse on my right side to hold my heel in the palm of her hand to brace on it for pushing…and guess who the lucky one was to hold the other side…Daddy :p …and he thought he’d be far away from actually seeing what was happening down there…no such luck…in the midst of pushing they ask me if I want them to put her on my stomach as soon as she comes out…before they even wash her up… me who was always grossed out by seeing that before… did i hesitate…no way… “yes go ahead put her there…please…please” …

Ok so I’m gonna skip how bad mannered I was to the doctors… telling one in particular to fuck off for touching me cause I wasnt pushing the way she wanted me to…or the mass amounts of me saying other things…basically boiled down to I CANT PUSH ANYMORE!!! and crying in between to Bo get her out…(he looked so helpless then) …And they did not help by trying to get me to touch the head as it was coming out…I sooo did not want to just touch her head…I wanted her out so I could hold her…but mainly at that point I just wanted the pain to end…

It was all worth it the second they put her on my stomach…She was beautiful… and it was such an amazing feeling to hold her…to see what he and I made together…to watch as our daughter took her first breath…had her first scream…the best part was that when they went to take her off of me to clean her up…she grabbed hold of my hospital gown…she didnt want to let go…

So now 6 days later… it still hurts to pee… my muscles are killing me…I’m soo sleep deprived its not even funny…I also can barely find time or energy to take a showere which i so desperatly need…But no way would I change a damn thing… Her birth was the best day of my life…She makes every bad choice …every bad mistake fade away…every tear worth while…and every smile that much brighter now…The feeling that I am even more complete now from having her…

I sit there at night with her (cause yes she’s a night owl just like mommy and daddy) …and just stare at her in wonder…trying to figure out what I did to deserve a child like her…what did i do to deserve to be so amazingly happy… and ya know what…I’ll never know…but she is mine…and I’ll never let her down…I’ll always be here for her…she’ll always be my little angel.