Trust...

Something so easily lost...but so hard to gain. It is the single most important thing in people that determines their lives. How they face the world...how they face themselves. And when you do something you know will make you lose someones trust...even if they don't know about it...you lose you're own ability to put trust in people. Because it leads you to think. Well if I got away with it they can too...or they can get away with anything. So what to do. When this happens. When you've made a mistake that can maybe cost you everything you ever dreamed about. Something that has cost you before...no matter if you did it or they did....but how to gain back trust from and in that person.

Its a hard road. One I hate to travel. I dont trust easily....and even when I think I do trust it is always so shaky. I find it hard to believe...anything good sometimes.

So what do you put your trust in.

Love? I don't know as of now. Love is so frail nowadays. No one seems to want to work through anything. You just reach a hard point and throw in the towel. Maybe one person still fights...but the other has given up completely and is just waiting for an out. And when the only person left fighting has become so lost and so tired of it all...is somewhat losing themselves...they have no choice but to concede...Then you realize later what you had.... but cant get it back once its gone.

Friends? Maybe some...but how to tell which to trust and which not too...then comes the overwhelming problem of always being screwed over throughout life...and it makes it hard to trust...not to mention hard to let people in so you don't even let them close enough to see the real you and they pass judgment on one action...your own fault really...cause you gave them a picture of you that wasn't true...so they didn't understand your choices...as much as you never meant to hurt anyone....always you sit there wishing they could see you for who you really are...read between the lines. Though there are few and far between that have my full trust...in every way. That know who I am...have heard my deepest thoughts...and darkest secrets...ones i consider family.

Family? Desperately try to...but how do you do that when you weren't even wanted by one...some gave up on you and walked away when you most needed them...and still others...well they want you to be perfect...and when you aren't...you just don''t really belong. But they are always there when the sun shines...and no matter how much you aren't sure...you love them besides it all.

Material things? NEVER! they can be lost easier than the air you breath.

Hope? Hope is what i trust...cause its all i have sometimes...hope that the hand of fate can not always be cruel. That things will work out in the end. That even through the storms...I will survive to dance in the rain another day...