They were right.

I was retarded to stay here. To hope and try. Granted I wasnt trying my best. But the things you said last night. Wow! I acted pissed. Like I didnt care. Want to know the truth. You couldnt have said anything that cut more deep.

"You are the worst mother I have ever seen" ...."i cant even look at you anymore"..."if I look at you again I'm going to be sick"

Lets just say I was foolish. To think you loved me all this time. To think love could win. To think it was enough.

I know the house is disgusting...but to end it because of that. You didnt even say anything about how much it was getting to you. You dont talk to me. I woke up when you got home...asked how your day was. Spent a few minutes talking to you. You seemed fine...then you woke me up at 4am to say all this. And drunk non the less. Piss drunk. Was it because of that that you said what you did...ended things when and how you did. I dont really care. Though I do wonder what brought it on...why last night...why that way.

Accusing me of never backing you up on how you felt...never saying anything to make it better. Thats not true...but believe what you want.

But its not like I care anymore anyways. With what you said...how you acted...I cant go back from that. Not even if you wanted to.

Everything I gave to you. Everything I felt...its all gone now. You win. I hope youre happy now.

Cause all I hear is the echo of your voice..... Worst mother...

and a small voice whispers back in my head...its not true. its not true. ....


They were right about us...we could never work. More than anything else with this. I just sit here right now...feeling very stupid.

A friendship lost

I have thought about you quiet a bit the past months. I wonder how you are...how life has been treating you. Mostly I wonder why you left with no word. I sent you an email....with a message that was strange...and probably came off way wrong. For that I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. TO hurt our friendship.

I was angry. Not at you...but at myself. And for some stupid reason I took it out on you. And lost you in the process.

Or is it that life has finally gone the way you hoped for you? If that is so, then i can not be hurt by this. I must be happy for you.

But it does hurt. same as it always does when I lose someone. Such a big part of my life...more than you realized....so it hurts when its over. A part of me I will never get back.

I knew it would happen. I told you...it was only a matter of time before it did. It just didnt happen as soon as I had expected. But in the end...it happened.

I wish you the best in life...in love...in everything. I wish you the best and say this last thing. Thank you. For every second you gave me. I wish those seconds could have lasted a lifetime. But thank you just the same. You are amazing in so many ways. And touched my heart so very much.

I will continue to miss you. As always. And here and there probably shed another tear at a friendship lost. Especially one as special as this.

asshat

Once again...back to being a fucking idiot >(

Its not like its bad enough that I have no car here...what happens if I have to go to the er for the baby? But to not have a fucking phone in case something happens to the house phone? Which it did tonight. While im sitting here waiting for a call back from the doctors office about the babay throwing up. and he says i have to wait about 45 fucking minutes before its even a possibility of him bringing home a new one.

If the fucking asshat had just bought me the cell phone he promised me for my birthday. He wouldnt have to be coming home at all.

fucking jerk off!! You better hurry your ass home for her