You cried last night when I put you to bed….just as you do every night when i put you in there before you are fast asleep. I listened for a few minutes feeling so rotten for leaving you there screaming….then feeling more rotten as I pulled you out when I could no longer just sit there hearing it. Feeling rotten for pulling you out cause I know that I must get you used to falling asleep by yourself and on time…
It wasnt because I hated hearing the cry that I went to get you…I can stand the crying no problem…but it was out of desperation… My desperate need to let you know that I am here…That I will always be here and that you are not alone. I know you are too young to make thoughts like that…just from one night of having to cry yourself to sleep. Maybe it is based off my own feelings though. That there are so many times when I feel so alone…so many nights I have cried myself to sleep and I know how awful it feels.
Does it feel the same with you? Or do you not even remember it in the morning?
Am I doing it right with you? What if I screw up? Why cant I just do what I think is best without second guessing myself all the time?
I am sitting here now typing away as you take a nap…and my ears perk up to every sound…are you awake? … are you having a bad dream…do you need me? …
And whether it is good for you or not…I will come the second you call…I will always come.
No this does not mean you will get your way with everything or even most things when you grow older…but it means that you will never have to feel as though you have no one to turn to…I want you to know…perhaps need you to know even now…that I will come whenever you call…
You are starting to whimper now….so my angle…I am coming…
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