.................

so can i throw a bitch fit even here....

I hate how i get...so paranoid so lost so lonely...i wish i had someone here to talk to...someone i could see face to face to tell me all my fears are silly. so many friends lost...so many judgements...so many times left out in the cold.

am i so wrong for who or how i am...for how i feel. Scared always...i hate that

if i could live on my own with no one i would be in heaven....not sitting here thinking everyone would leave...everyone would turn away.

donnie darko said it best in that movie "every living thing dies alone" but its more than that....every living thing lives alone too. Because despite how many people you let in...you are always wondering how soon? how long can they accept you? how long until you screw it up or they just decide to leave?

How long until you decide? I wish i could leave....leave myself behind.

What i tell people of me..is only half of what ive done or been through. Im just one messed up screwed up lost stupid idiotic loser. I watch those shows on tv where the girl finds the guy to change her world...and i dream of it...but all the while i fall deeper into the pit.

there is no such thing as a happy ending...there is no such thing as love.

just leave...before i believe in you please...before i see a glimmer of hoep that is just stepped on in the end...i wish sometimes...that i could be what i feel...which is nothing at all