Life lately

So many changes. Some easier to handle than others. I am just a few weeks away from getting my diploma finally. I cant wait for that. I am proud of myself for finally doing it. It's an incredible feeling. Easier to do when I have such a wonderful man in my life who is always encouraging me to do more...to be my best. I also had the wonderful support of my 5 year old daughter. Who also tells me on a daily basis how proud she is of me. lol its too cute really.

The changes not so easy have been that my love is currently liveing in a different state. Only 3 hours away but it is hard sometimes. We've seen him every weekend so far since hes moved (he got a better job down there). Though I know he wont always be able to come down every weekend and that day will kill when he cant make it. I live for my weekends right now. When my family is complete as it should be. I try not to get so down about it but sometimes those fears creep up on me.

Im doing so much better in having faith in "us" faith in him and myself. I have started counseling. Which also helps. Its been easier to seperate what is real and what are creations of fears and insecurities. Usually now more than before I can stop the panic that creeps up. But some nights I still feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Its hard when we lived together for 2 years. I had him coming home to me everyday of those 2 years...and now....it just seems so empty some nights.

I've been told that Im not a strong person. But Im finding my strength now. I just hope and dream of the day when our family will be together in the same house again as i should be. I worry most for my daughter right now. She is a daddys girl through and through. But shes handling it all well so far. With the occasional tears when he leaves but she trusts him whole heartedly. SHe knows without a doubt when he says hes coming home for her...he will. It does my heart good to see that. To know it means that much to him...and to her.

For the first time in my life I am truly able to trust someone. Its scary sometimes...and yes sometimes my trust falters. But thats the fear talking. Even when we were having our problems....He never left me. He never let me down. He has been the one person in my entire life to truly be here for me. No mater what. That has meant the world to me. It has helped start the healing process on so many old wounds. Giving birth to a new, stronger me.

I could never tell him how much he means to me....to both of us. So here I am...always working towards my future. To bring my family back together in full. To fulfill the dream I have of forever with him. Its an incredible feeling.

Thank you God...for bringing him into our lives. For knowing how much we needed him.

Thank you love...for catching us and not letting go. For filling that void inside our hearts. For loving us so much. Words oculd never say enough of how much you mean to us. You have healed so many hurts...and continue to do so everyday we are with you. I would be proud to stnad by your side forever. I would be honored to share your name. I would love to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Its what you deserve...and so easy to do. You have all of me my love. ~te amo mi corazon~ always and forever.....my life changed for the best the day we got together....I wouldnt trade a single moment spent with you. And I dream everyday of whats to come.....wishing you were here....cant wait to see you again love.